If you are going to visit your local bar
the bartender will know who you are.
They know who shows up at happy hour
and if you like your drink with sweet or sour.
We remember if you drink Coors-light
or if you are the one who always starts a fight.
Yes, we know who does and who does not lie
we have had to back your stupid alibi.

We know where, with whom and why you cheat
if you drink your drink down and dirty or up and neat.
We have served countless shooters
and seen some girls show their hooters.
The bartender knows who orders a single
and who comes to simply mingle.
We try to accommodate those that drink doubles
and listen to the drunks complain about their troubles.

The bartender knows who has the money
and which ones will take you home honey.
We have the knack of knowing if you are a bum
and if you want your drink with bar or call rum.
If you are ordering cigarettes, we know what brand you smoke
whether you are here for one or two or if you will go home broke.
Trust me we do not forget who does and who does not tip
if you drink mixes or if its only wine that you sip.

A bartender knows exactly who you are
and that you frequent more than one bar.
We listen to the music you will choose
and know at pool how much you will lose.
Relax, have some fun, enjoy your stay sit a spell
we are bartenders your secrets we do not tell.
I’m the bartender I’ve seen all the games
I’ve seen so many people I can’t remember all the names.

We are bartenders we have probably heard all the lines
even memorized all the consequences and the fines.
We listen to all the jerks and calm the jealous wives
we wonder why people ruin their own lives.
Yes, I guarantee as a bartender we know it all
we can’t wait until the clock says 1:30 it’s last call.
Hope your experience was pleasant, be sure to come back
if you’ve been drinkin please don’t drive go home hit the sack.

Tomorrow is a new day we will be seeing you again soon
tonight, I am out of here and I will sleep until noon.
Remember to please be safe without you I wouldn’t have a job
I’m not trying to be rude and I’m not a snob.
Believe it or not I care about each and every one of you
I am a bartender and to your secrets I will be true.
I do not want to read your name in the paper you had an accident
because I didn’t call a cab and it was you out the door I sent.

Copyright 2004
Brenda Bayless